Read Part 1 first.

Llarp’s steely talons flexed menacingly as he gazed through the portal. A low growl emanated from the depths of his second throat, near the base of his powerful neck. Not often was the commander able to discover a portal with such a vantage point as this. From the lip of the stone door, Llarp could see a wide expanse below him. There on the plain, two of the lumbering portal beasts brayed and murmured between themselves. In the far distance red and white lightning shimmered.

With the exception of the colored lightning, Llarp had laid his buggy eyes on scenes like this before and had conducted effective raids through the stone door. Each raid resulted with his name being shouted from the shed-tops and his wooly fame being greatly magnified. With the exception of Lloot, Llarp was the premier commander in the whole kingdom, mostly because be always brought in the most spoils. He hear a light talon click behind him.

“Yes, Llorn?” His head swiveled slightly to see the long neck of his first underling bowed in an appropriate measure of subservience.

“The team is assembled, High Commander.” Llorn bobbed his head twice and kept his eyes downcast. The gun-belt that crossed his wooly back drooped with its heavy load.

Llarp looked sharply at his first underling with disgust. Llorn’s teeth were straight and full. His lips were even, and he had no caked mud around his snout. The fluffy scarf he wore, the badge of a door warden, was perfectly clean, white and red. Llorn was a disgrace to real llama soldiery. But… he did serve as door warden, which required the prettiest llama around. Llarp shuddered and looked away with a sneer.

“We break through in five,” Llarp said gruffly. [These portal beasts won’t know what clopped all over them!] As he grinned, his filthy lips curled back to reveal crookedly sharp teeth.

The team began to line up behind him. These six were the best of the best. The uber-elite. Each one was festooned with rocketry, bullet-belts, and curved blades, and their combat weapons were attached onto their wooly chests with various belts and rigs. Llurk, the big one, had a mounted, multi-barrel swivel-cannon surgically mounted to his stout back. He admitted that it made sleeping difficult, so he slept standing as any reasonable warrior would do under such circumstances.

[Llurk is a total badass,] thought Llarp. He would never say that out loud, as it was not the kind of statement that the commander should make in front of the soldiery. Nevertheless, he was happy to have such a warrior on his team. There was also Llawn, Llipp, Llary, Llulz, and Kim. They were each quite capable with weaponry and the putting down of evil infidels and other portal beasts of the two and four-legged variety.

The rim of the stone door flashed green, and Llarp growled at his team. “Time to go. Remember, get the hay first, and then we plunder the big stash.” He pointed at the circular trough located on a high butte that was full of various greenery. One of the portal beasts had arranged the greenery there, perhaps in preparation for its own feeding.

Llarp was the first through. His form solidifying on the other side of the portal in an instant. With a fierce and thundering battle-cry, he leapt onto the plain below. He stared up at the giant legs of the portal beasts as they turned toward his landing spot. The ground below him shook with earthquake fury as his team landed behind him, each of them no doubt frothing at the lips with intense zeal and berserker energy.

It was time to OWN this world and it’s dumb (but giant) beastly inhabitants.

“Get ’em!” yelled Llarp.

###

“Just about time for dinner. Wash your hands!” Irene peeked around the corner of the kitchen and winked at me. “The salad is out if you want to start assembling.”

“Let’s go Emma.” I patted her head encouragingly. Just then, I heard an odd squeal that was fairly high pitched and a bit ear-splitting. I turned, and saw what appeared to be a half-dozen llama mini-figures sailing through the air. They landed with surprising ease on the floor in front of me and stuck as if they had velcro on their feet.

“Hmmm,” I said. “What the?…!”

The llama in front squealed again in a semi-cute way and raised his hairy front legs toward me. I chuckled inwardly for a brief moment before my leg began to sting. Reaching, I brushed my hand down the side of my leg and felt a horde of thin spines fall away. The sting disappeared with them.

“Ow,” I said looking again at the tiny llama. It was similar to the llama from the calendar, the one with the red and white scarf. This one seemed to be holding a tiny rifle.

With another piercing shriek, the llama unleashed a torrent of minuscule projectiles in my general direction a second time. His fellow warriors began to move aggressively forward with ferocious and barely audible clicketty-clops, and the first llama stepped with them. Tinny, thin voices rose up in a chorus of grumbles and curses. In return, I did the first thing I could think of. I lifted my shoe.

And crushed.

Then I picked up my glass of wine and took a final swig to finish the glass. Without picking up my foot, I nodded to Emma. “Go wash up, sweetie.”

Emma, having failed to notice the entire llama situation, pattered off quickly.

I sighed and followed slowly, promising to myself that I would clean up after dinner.

“Merry Christmas, Emma!”

“It’s definitely not Christmas daddy.”